I often hear people say things like "suicide is the most selfish thing you can do" and "suicidal people must not care about their families at all."
Well, I just don't think that is the case.
First of all, many do not have families who are particularly supportive, which may be part of the problem in the first place. In fact, many times people who attempt suicide are surrounded by people who are extremely abusive. Especially if the person is a teenager or has limited resources, they may see no way out.
And even if people who have attempted suicide do have people in their lives that are supportive, the person may be truly in so much psychological pain - e.g. they may be bombarded with flashbacks of a very traumatic event or paralyzed by depression - that it might be nearly impossible to take into consideration the perspective of a loved one.
On top of this, some people may feel so worthless that they think ending their lives will actually be doing their loved ones a favor. What's even more upsetting is that in some situations, the person's perception may be accurate - it isn't always, but it could be. Stigma against people with mental health is strong and I'm sure some family members might consider a person with mental health issues to be a burden. Of course, this isn't always the case, but it's certainly a possibility.
Please note that whether or not a person's family actually does believe them to be a burden has no bearing on whether or not a person should kill themselves. Clearly this question is out of the depth of this blog post. In this post I am merely illustrating reasons why it is myopic to negatively judge people who have suicidal thoughts. I've heard stories so horrific, it seems incredible that a person could have any will to live at all. It is not a therapist's job to judge whether or not a person should kill themselves. It is our job, however, to do everything possible to teach skills that can make life more bearable.
My advice is simply this: don't be so quick to judge.
3 comments:
Hi Tara, your post is very insightful. I have a friend who cuts and who's also attempted suicide 6 years ago. She's started cutting again and it's quite bad, an average of one cut a month bcoz of some bad breakups and other family stuff. Im trying to get her into therapy and being as supportive as I can but it is very tough especially when you can see something is bad for them and they don't listen. I would like to know if it's a good idea for her to get into a relationship with a guy at this point in time, when she is so incredibly fragile.
Thanks, TS. Yes, this sounds like a difficult situation. I truly wish you and your friend the best and I hope you can find something helpful on this site.
I have Bipolar disorder type ! and since I've been 30 it's been getting worse. I take my medication how I'm supposed to, no drug or alcohol abuse, and I have 10 close friends and 30 - 40 who support me on facebook. I have a lot to live for.
The problem is no matter what I do the frequency and duration of the mixed states becomes more pronounced and the suicide attempts are becoming more life threatening.
My friends know how much more challenging it is since I turned 30 and I had to tell them I don't how much more I can take. All of them are aware that no matter how hard I fight I may not be able to pull this one out. At this point I don't think it would surprise any of them if I did it, but it still wouldn't take away the hurt.
So in my situation I have everything to live for, but at the end the disease might kill me. Is it selfish if I die? I don't know because all 254 friends on facebook know how hard it is for me to continue living like this, and I think some of them will know that I will have peace if I don't have to suffer anymore.
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